Those who believe in the *soulmate* idea tend to be of the *sexual destiny* belief, in that it also clicks in the bedroom or it doesn’t, and if not, maybe the relationship isn’t the *soulmate* one after all.

Those who believe in the *soulmate* idea tend to be of the *sexual destiny* belief, in that it also clicks in the bedroom or it doesn’t, and if not, maybe the relationship isn’t the *soulmate* one after all.
Photo Credit: iStock via cbcbooks

Secrets to a happy sex life


A study in Canada has given some insight into the success of relationships and a happy sex life.

Jessica Maxwell is a PhD candidate at the University of Toronto in social psychology who conducted the research.

Jessica Maxwell PhD candidate, University of Toronto
Jessica Maxwell PhD candidate, University of Toronto © supplied

Jessica Maxwell’s research is entitled,” How Implicit Theories of Sexuality Shape Sexual and Relationship Well-Being” published online ahead of print in the November issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology  (abtract here–full pdf-see link below)

What Maxwell did was to look at two differing thoughts on relationships, the “soulmate or destiny” type of belief, and another that says relationships can grow with continued care and understanding.

She then studied those two somewhat different beliefs but in relation to people’s ideas about their sex lives as couples.

Maxwell says after a two or three-year “honeymoon” period, where sexual satisfaction is high, the two paths start to diverge.

The sexual growth concept means people realize that a sex life needs to be nurtured just like the relationship itself
The “sexual growth” concept means people realize that a sex life needs to be nurtured just like the relationship itself © iStock via CBC

In its simplest terms, one is the so-called belief in “sexual destiny” which hold that it basically works or doesn’t.

The other is called “sexual growth” which holds that the sexual relationship needs to be nurtured.

Sexual destiny types also tend to believe problems in the bedroom are a reflection of problems in the relationship. Sexual growth types tend to hold bedroom issues somewhat apart from the relationship as a whole.

One might also think that because women tend to consume a lot more “romantic” type materials in the media, movies, novels, etc. that they would tend to be more of the “soulmate-destiny” type of followers,  but Maxwell’s research, which involved studies on approximately 1,900 participants, didn’t show that but instead that women tended to be more of the “growth” side.

However, Maxwell points out that the differences between men and women were not that wide.

She also had same sex couples in the study but said the numbers were not large enough to draw firm indications, and that is a group that she may study further in future.  Still, there seems to be a slight indication that homosexual couples tend somewhat more toward the “growth” belief in sexual relations.

Maxwell says the secret to a satisfying sex life in long term relationships is treating the bedroom situation the same way you treat a garden, with constant effort: care, attention, and nurturing.

Additional information

Researchgate-full pdf here

Tagged with: , , , ,
Posted in Health, Internet, Science and Technology, Society

Do you want to report an error or a typo? Click here!

@*@ Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

 characters available

Note: By submitting your comments, you acknowledge that Radio Canada International has the right to reproduce, broadcast and publicize those comments or any part thereof in any manner whatsoever. Radio Canada International does not endorse any of the views posted. Your comments will be pre-moderated and published if they meet netiquette guidelines.

Netiquette »

When you express your personal opinion in an online forum, you must be as courteous as if you were speaking with someone face-to-face. Insults and personal attacks will not be tolerated. To disagree with an opinion, an idea or an event is one thing, but to show disrespect for other people is quite another. Great minds don’t always think alike—and that’s precisely what makes online dialogue so interesting and valuable.

Netiquette is the set of rules of conduct governing how you should behave when communicating via the Internet. Before you post a message to a blog or forum, it’s important to read and understand these rules. Otherwise, you may be banned from posting.

  1.’s online forums are not anonymous. Users must register, and give their full name and place of residence, which are displayed alongside each of their comments. reserves the right not to publish comments if there is any doubt as to the identity of their author.
  2. Assuming the identity of another person with intent to mislead or cause harm is a serious infraction that may result in the offender being banned.
  3.’s online forums are open to everyone, without regard to age, ethnic origin, religion, gender or sexual orientation.
  4. Comments that are defamatory, hateful, racist, xenophobic, sexist, or that disparage an ethnic origin, religious affiliation or age group will not be published.
  5. In online speak, writing in ALL CAPS is considered yelling, and may be interpreted as aggressive behaviour, which is unpleasant for the people reading. Any message containing one or more words in all caps (except for initialisms and acronyms) will be rejected, as will any message containing one or more words in bold, italic or underlined characters.
  6. Use of vulgar, obscene or objectionable language is prohibited. Forums are public places and your comments could offend some users. People who use inappropriate language will be banned.
  7. Mutual respect is essential among users. Insulting, threatening or harassing another user is prohibited. You can express your disagreement with an idea without attacking anyone.
  8. Exchanging arguments and opposing views is a key component of healthy debate, but it should not turn into a dialogue or private discussion between two users who address each other without regard for the other participants. Messages of this type will not be posted.
  9. Radio Canada International publishes contents in five languages. The language used in the forums has to be the same as the contents we publish. The usage of other languages, with the exception of some words, is forbidden. Messages that are off-topic will not be published.
  10. Making repetitive posts disrupts the flow of discussions and will not be tolerated.
  11. Adding images or any other type of file to comments is forbidden. Including hyperlinks to other websites is allowed, as long as they comply with netiquette. Radio Canada International  is in no way responsible for the content of such sites, however.
  12. Copying and pasting text written by someone else, even if you credit the author, is unacceptable if that text makes up the majority of your comment.
  13. Posting any type of advertising or call to action, in any form, to Radio Canada International  forums is prohibited.
  14. All comments and other types of content are moderated before publication. Radio Canada International  reserves the right to refuse any comment for publication.
  15. Radio Canada International  reserves the right to close a forum at any time, without notice.
  16. Radio Canada International  reserves the right to amend this code of conduct (netiquette) at any time, without notice.
  17. By participating in its online forums, you allow Radio Canada International to publish your comments on the web for an indefinite time. This also implies that these messages will be indexed by Internet search engines.
  18. Radio Canada International has no obligation to remove your messages from the web if one day you request it. We invite you to carefully consider your comments and the consequences of their posting.